A PATH BACK TO YOURSELF: RECONNECTING WITH YOUR EMOTIONS
Building a true connection with yourself means building a true connection with your emotions - the joyful, the tender, the uncomfortable, and everything in between.
From an early age, we learn how emotions are received by others. Some are welcomed and bring us closer to caregivers - tears met with gentle soothing, laughter met with warmth. But others - anger, jealousy, deep sadness - might feel like threats to our connections. Without even realising it, many of us begin to bury the emotions that seem dangerous to our relationships. Over time, we don’t just suppress these feelings - we lose the ability to name or recognise them at all.
Relearning how to feel, after years of numbing, avoiding, or distracting ourselves, can be incredibly difficult. It doesn’t come naturally to most people, because so many of us have spent our lives doing the opposite. But reconnecting with our emotions - giving them space, naming them, feeling them safely - is one of the most profound ways we can return home to ourselves.
Still, knowing that we need to connect with our emotions isn’t the same as knowing how.
Building Emotional Connection Begins with Understanding
One of the most powerful insights in learning to build emotional intelligence is recognising that emotions arise from meaning - specifically, the unconscious meaning your brain assigns to a moment. Psychologist Magda Arnold suggested that emotions begin not as feelings, but as automatic appraisals: a split-second judgment of your environment. These appraisals are deeply personal, shaped by your inner world - your beliefs, past experiences, and learned associations
This means your emotional response isn’t just about the present moment - it’s shaped by everything that came before. It’s layered. When you feel something deeply, you’re not overreacting - you’re responding from the full weight of your emotional history. Understanding this can soften the inner criticism you’ve grown so used to. Instead of judging yourself for how you feel, you can begin to meet your emotions with compassion and curiosity.
So, how do you begin to reconnect?
1. Feeling the emotion
Let’s start with the hardest part. Truly feeling an emotion - without shutting it down, analysing it, or running from it - is often uncomfortable. You might feel angry, restless, sad, elated, bored, joyful, or anxious. And that’s okay. Emotional connection begins not by choosing which feelings to welcome, but by allowing all emotions to move through you like energy. It’s about presence, not preference.
2. Check in and check back
When life is busy, it’s easy to push emotions aside. But just because you don’t acknowledge them doesn’t mean they disappear - they live in the body until they’re heard. If you don’t have time to process in the moment, return to it later. Ask: What was I feeling just then? Where did that come from? Giving emotions your time and attention - however delayed - is a powerful form of self-respect.
3. Separate the story from the sensation
Try experiencing the emotion in your body before intellectualising it. Where do you feel it - your chest, your stomach, your throat? Notice the physical sensation without attaching a narrative. This isn’t about bypassing the feeling, but rather honoring it as energy that needs to move, not a story that needs to define you.
4. Treat your emotions like a best friend
Imagine your emotions are someone you love: a close friend who’s hurting, excited, lonely, or afraid. Would you ignore them? Would you tell them to quiet down? Or would you sit beside them, listen, and offer comfort? Bring that same gentleness to yourself. Your emotions are not your enemies - they’re your deepest messengers.
Making Space for Emotional Connection in Daily Life
Building this kind of relationship with your emotions can be challenging. Life is busy, and tuning in requires time, attention, and care. But even small, consistent practices can gently open the door to greater emotional awareness. You don’t need to overhaul your life—just begin by weaving in moments that help you pause, listen, and reconnect.
Set regular time to journal or meditate
You don’t need hours. Even five minutes of conscious stillness - whether through journaling, quiet breathing, or timed reflection - can create a sacred pause.Use this time to gently explore what’s stirring beneath the surface.
Listen to yourself like you’d listen to someone else
If an emotion arises mid-task, resist the urge to override it. Imagine someone just spoke to you - would you walk away mid-sentence? Instead, try to pause and be present. Let the emotion express itself, and respond when you’re ready.
Record a voice or video reflection
Speaking aloud can be incredibly cathartic, especially for those of us who are more visual or verbal. You don’t even need to listen or watch it back - just creating a space where you can speak honestly to yourself, with no one else listening, is a surprisingly intimate way to feel truly seen and heard.
Visualise emotional connection
Before a moment of discomfort arises, rehearse what it might feel like to meet an emotion with compassion. Picture yourself sitting with sadness, breathing through anxiety, or holding space for anger. This trains the brain to respond with less fear and more familiaraity when those moments actually arise.
Coming Home to Yourself
Reconnecting with your emotions isn’t a one-time practice. It’s a lifelong invitation to return - to your body, your truth, your tenderness. It takes courage to feel what you’ve spent years avoiding. But within that courage lies the beginning of deep trust: the kind that brings you back to yourself, over and over again.
And in that return, you don’t just build emotional intelligence - you build emotional intimacy. With yourself. With life. With all that you are.
