but who are you at your core: the work
we all know that we need to spend more time with ourselves – quiet moments to reflect, to listen, to understand. but life rarely makes room for it. there’s always something else: building a career, taking care of others, planning, achieving, wanting more. distractions come easily. responsibilities feel endless. and somehow, everything else seems to come before truly knowing ourselves.
so we put it off. there’s never enough time. or we tell ourselves that there are more pressing things to get on with. but the truth is: without doing this inner work, without understanding who we are at our core, everything else begins to feel a little misaligned – no matter how well it’s going on the outside.
we explored why this matters in but who are you at your core. today, we explore how. the actual work of it. not the surface-level questions or quick fixes, but the slow, deliberate process of turning inward.
this isn’t about finding quick answers. it’s about creating space. about doing the deeper work that allows you to really meet yourself fully and honestly.
the work
1.Reflecting on Where You’ve Come From
there’s often a tension between looking forward and looking back. some will tell you to focus only on the present or the future – that the past no longer matters. but that’s not entirely true. to really understand who you are at your core, you have to understand where you've come from. our childhoods leave deep imprints. the way we were raised, the environments we grew up in, the things we loved, feared, longed for – these all play a quiet but defining role in who we are now.
so take some time to remember. even gentle reflection can reveal patterns, beliefs, and parts of you that still echo today. it’s not about staying stuck in the past – it’s about tracing your own story with compassion.
2. defining your core values
knowing your values is essential. they are the internal compass that guides your decisions, your boundaries, your relationships. yet many of us move through life without ever consciously defining them. we adopt the values of those around us, from family, culture, society, and never really pause to ask if they truly belong to us.
this is the work of coming home to your own truth. when you take the time to identify what really matters to you, it becomes easier to live in alignment with yourself. your values become a foundation, not a performance.
3. knowing what you love and what brings you into flow
there are certain things that pull you into presence so fully that time disappears. these are the moments of flow – and they are clues to what makes you feel most alive. these moments might not look grand or impressive to anyone else, but they speak to something essential within you.
noticing what you love, what energises you, and what grounds you is part of returning to your core self. even if no one else sees it, even if it doesn’t lead anywhere – it matters that it moves you.
4. identifying your strengths
many of us struggle to name our own strengths. either we minimise them, or we assume they don’t count unless they’re extraordinary. but strength is often quiet. often personal. it might be your patience, your ability to adapt, the way you listen, or how you hold hope for others.
this isn’t about making a list to impress anyone. it’s about recognising what’s already within you – what’s always been there, even when you didn’t realise it.
5. meeting your weaknesses with compassion
this part can be uncomfortable. naming the parts of yourself that feel fragile, uncertain, or underdeveloped takes honesty – and tenderness. most of us either avoid our weaknesses or judge ourselves harshly for them. but neither leads to growth.
the real work lies in meeting these parts with softness. seeing them clearly, without shame. weakness doesn’t make you broken. it just points to where healing or care is needed.
6. understanding what you find challenging
not all challenges are weaknesses. sometimes they’re circumstances, wounds, or patterns we’re still carrying. maybe you’ve known grief, instability, illness, anxiety. maybe your challenge is simply being in the world with sensitivity.
this is about acknowledging what’s been hard – without rushing to change it or turn it into a lesson. simply allowing yourself to recognise the weight you’ve carried, and the strength it took to keep going.
7. considering how you think others see you
we often learn something about ourselves by noticing how others reflect us back. sometimes we see our light more clearly when someone else names it – strength, compassion, insight, joy. other times, we’re surprised by how different their view is from our own self-perception.
this isn’t about shaping yourself to please others. it’s about staying curious. about noticing which reflections resonate and which you’ve outgrown.
8. noticing what you fear others see
this is the shadow side – the unspoken fear that we’ll be judged, disliked, or misunderstood. these quiet fears can reveal the parts of ourselves we’re still hiding. the parts we don’t think are lovable, or enough.
naming these fears isn’t easy, but it’s powerful. because once you name them, you can question them. you can begin to see how much of your inner dialogue is based in fear, not truth.
9. assessing the people you surround yourself with
the people we surround ourselves with shape how we see the world – and how we see ourselves. some relationships expand us. others shrink us. sometimes we cling to certain connections because they’re familiar, not because they’re nourishing.
this work isn’t about making immediate changes. it’s about noticing. who helps you feel more like yourself? who do you soften around? who makes you feel like you need to perform, explain, or shrink?
10. observing the patterns of your mind
your thoughts are not you. but they are part of your landscape – and getting to know them matters. where does your mind tend to go? when does it spiral? when does it soften? what does it fixate on, and what does it avoid?
the more familiar you become with your mental patterns, the easier it becomes to step back and see them clearly. you begin to notice the difference between your thoughts and your truth. between your mind, and your core.
the ongoing work
This work is not something to just get through, answer, and then leave behind. It’s not something you can rush or complete in a single sitting. It’s the kind of work that unfolds slowly, over years quietly, honestly, repeatedly.
It’s about showing up for yourself, again and again. It’s about asking the hard questions, and sitting in the discomfort of not always having the answers. It’s about listening deeply, and trusting that you are already whole even as you’re still learning who you are.
This is a practice. A practice that, over time, will gently allow your life to become more real. More aligned. More yours.
Because you are you. At your core. you are Always becoming. you have always been enough - more than enough. you always have been.
And the more you know that, the more everything else begins to fall slowly into place.
