the beauty of boundaries: where your story began
the loss of boundaries
there are seasons in life
when you may have let everything in
other people’s energy,
their needs,
their moods,
their expectations.
Maybe that’s where you’ve lived for a long time.
Maybe you still do.
Or maybe, over time,
you’ve built walls so high
even you can’t quite climb over them anymore.
The truth is:
wherever you are,
you can begin - right here, right now.
So many of us learned, quietly and early,
that our worth was tied to how well we could bend.
We were taught the language of belonging.
Of behaving.
Of pleasing.
We became shape-shifters
hyper-aware,
careful with our words,
careful with our needs.
We learned - before maybe we even had words for it
that love could be fragile.
That closeness came with a cost.
That it was safer to keep others comfortable,
even if it meant abandoning parts of ourselves.
Somewhere along the way,
we absorbed the message
that setting boundaries might mean losing love.
So we made an unconscious vow:
Never rock the boat.
Always be good.
Be what they need.
But peace bought at the cost of your own discomfort is not peace.
It’s self-abandonment,
dressed up as kindness and politeness.
The roots of your resistance
To begin rewriting your story, you first need to understand where it began.
If this feels tender, it’s because it is.
You’ve spent a lifetime learning to make others feel okay
even if it cost you your sense of self.
You are not flawed. You were simply never taught another way.
so lets look at a few reasons that may explain why this has always felt so hard:
1.You struggle with self-worth
When you don’t believe you deserve better,
you settle.
You rationalise mistreatment
because you fear there’s nothing else waiting for you.
You stay quiet
even when something inside you whispers:
This isn’t okay.
If you grew up feeling unseen, unheard, or dismissed,
you may still carry the belief
that love must be earned
not simply received.
2.You fear being left
Maybe people have left before
quietly, abruptly, emotionally
or maybe even physically walked away.
And now,
you do everything you can to avoid it.
Even if it means betraying yourself.
You believe that if you’re kind enough,
small enough,
beautiful enough
no one will ever leave again.
But the idea of setting a boundary?
It feels like risking abandonment
all over again.
3.You’ve confused kindness with self-sacrifice
You were taught to be nice.
To keep the peace.
To make others feel comfortable.
To hold everything together.
So the idea of protecting your own space feels somewhat self-absorbed, selfish, the opposite of what love should look like.
You’ve equated kindness with silence.
With self-erasure.
But being good to others at the expense of your well-being
is not kindness. It’s long-held conditioning.
4.You’ve never had boundaries modelled for you
What we don’t see,
we can’t become.
If no one around you had boundaries
or if they only modeled shutdown, overgiving, or control
then confusion is natural.
Your blueprint was unclear.
Maybe boundaries felt like rejection.
Maybe they felt unsafe.
So of course you’re still figuring it out.
Of course this feels unfamiliar.
5.You don’t yet trust your inner compass
Without self-trust,
it’s hard to discern what’s too much - or not enough.
Without practice,
you don’t always know where your edges are.
You may go too far - cutting people off.
Or not far enough - staying too long in places that don’t feel good.
This doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It means you’re learning.
It means your nervous system is adjusting
to the idea that you are safe now.
That you can protect your peace - without the guilt.
a new way forward
We aren’t born with a manual for how to honour ourselves.
We absorb what we see.
We learn what’s safe.
And slowly,
we write new scripts.
So if this feels hard, please remember:
You are not alone.
You are not behind.
And there is nothing wrong with you.
This is the tender work
Not letting it all in.
Not building walls.
But learning what it means to honour your inner space.
To belong to yourself again.
